6"And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them nor be afraid of their words, though briers and thorns are with you and you dwell among scorpions; do not be afraid of their words or dismayed by their looks, though they are a rebellious house.
This was one of the scriptures God used to convict me of my disobedience the first time I had to write a less than a "feel good message" to all of you that might not soothe the "itching ears." I feared the reactions and rejection of the others, of all of you at one point in time. Jesus said in Matthew 10 not to fear the ones that could kill the body but the one who could kill both body and soul. God, and God alone. God has since relayed to me multiple times, through several others, "they are not rejecting you, but God so do not loose heart." I am going to tell right now, this is not a feel good message but an eye witness account of the price of not heeding. It is wrapped up in so many things and hard to begin.
Throughout the day, my mind kept reverting back to a friend who went home to be with the Lord a few years ago. That friend, Xeiva Quinn, would've celebrated a birthday on May 18th. In less than a month I will return to the same venue of community outreach Xeiva first introduced me to when I sang alongside her in the Mass Choir at the church where I was baptized. But this time, it is by invitation from another group. I recall the months leading up to Xeiva's death and the lesson I learned to go with it. What does this have to do with you? Trust me, you'll understand by the end of this tapestry- just follow along please.
I had begun the process of compiling the pieces for my first book, Get Your JOY In The Morning. The Bishop I was under at that time was hosting an event where the saints could utilize their God-given gifts to those in attendance. I had volunteered to be in the program. Early that afternoon in 2009 I suddenly had memories of my time with my former church family and Xeiva was in the forefront of my mind. When I arrived at the entrance of the venue for the showcase, I found Xeiva at the front door. She had been invited by a mutual friend who played the drums for the bishop. I had tears of joy and she and I embraced as friends with such excitement. It was at that event that I sang and recited a poem that ended up at the beginning of my second book, Shh Don't Tell. I promised Xeiva that I would go back to visit. I surprised her a month later as God had been prompting me to visit. On December 19th, 2009, the day of the huge snow storm, I shared with Xeiva that I had just submitted my manuscript in hopes of a book contract. She was so excited. Xeiva made me promise that I would call her when it was official. I didn't keep my promise. My intent was to wait until the contract was in my hand and signed. Tuesday, January 12th I had signed the contract but was running to an event that night and I told myself that I would call Xeiva the next day instead.
January 13, 2010 at 10am, I realized I still had not called Xeiva. I was at work but wanted to stop and call her. I looked at my cell phone and picked it up. As I went to dial, God said "No." At approximately 5:45pm that night, I was at the corner of 24th between N and O streets in Washington, D.C. when the call came from my girlfriend that Xeiva had died that morning. Doubled over in a gut-wrenching pain and tears, I realized it was too late to keep my promise. I knew I was supposed to call Xeiva long before that morning, but did not heed. My wonderful girlfriend who called to give me the news later said, "Joy, whose to say she would've answered the phone? She hadn't returned any of our calls the 2 days leading up to her death." But I know I was supposed to call. And even if I didn't speak to her, I could've left it on her voicemail. Even if I had not spoken with her, she would've at least known. I have apologized to God many times over, I know my sin was forgiven, but it's a hard lesson to live with at times because I cannot pick up and call her just say thank you for supporting me and loving me. I cannot call her to thank her for allowing her light, love of God and evangelistic work to influence me. I shall always remember my friend Xeiva but also, the price of not heeding.
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