When It's Your Time

Good Morning Everyone,

I had a the wonderful opportunity to attend the advanced screening of Fruitvale (#fruitvaledc). It is the story of Oscar Grant captured and immortalize, who decided to make a change for the better. He just didn't know he was making the change on what would be the last day of his life. It is Oscar worthy and riveting! It opens nationwide on July 19th. Though it is about the social injustice committed against our African-American men, as I explained to the agency recording responses, there was a secondary message. No matter how it happens, when it's your time, it's your time. So if you have a chance to make a change in your life for the better, just do it.

During the film and after, I had several memories come back. Not only about my own experience with death which I made public through these messages and the book of devotionals, Get Your JOY In The Morning! But I am finally ready to share two intertwined experiences that less than a handful of people are aware of.

It was December 31, 1999. I was spending the day with my then boyfriend, who I will call G. He was Jamaican and Chinese. When I was ready to wear my Nubian locks (Dreadlocks or dreads), he was the one who taught me how to start and maintain them...so a huge thank you to him! We had decided that day we would attend the Millennium celebration on the National Mall with President Clinton. Going on the National Mall with a lot of people was huge for G. He possessed the gift of prophecy and didn't always like to be around a lot of people. He didn't want to see or know things and so he didn't always like crowds but he was willing to do it for me because I really wanted to go. We were still in Baltimore when we ran into his cousin, whom I will call KD. KD had a lot of nervous energy and didn't know what to do with himself. We convinced him to go eat with us and we grabbed one of G's other cousins whom I will call TJ. We went to Denny's for dinner. KD talked of what he might he do for New Year's Eve. He kept talking about some woman and how she really wanted him to meet her somewhere. He talked about another alternative to hang out with his boys. I started getting this weird feeling and G gave me a look. We both knew something wasn't right. I mentioned to KD and TJ what we were doing and extended the offer to join us. We finished dinner and headed to the car. G and I lingered behind the others to talk. He said, "Are you getting the same feeling I am getting?" I said, "You mean that we can't let KD out of our sight tonight?" G continued, "Yeah....that he's not going to live to see 2000 if he doesn't stay with us."  I responded, "Yes and that is why I put it out there about what we're doing." G convinced KD and TJ that it was a good idea to see DC from a different perspective than the club scene.  In short, we had a great time! I didn't know that KD would talk about the experience to everyone he knew up until he died. KD was dead within the month. He was in a fight and as a result of the fight suffered a severe asthma attack and died. G wasn't right from that point on. At the funeral I gave my condolences to KD's mom. She smiled and said, "KD talked about you. He raved about the time he had in DC and said it was the best time he ever had there." KD's time was KD's time and we did what we could.

G wasn't the same after that because little did I know he had a difference of opinion with KD about doing something illegal and they stopped speaking just weeks before KD's death. Depression overtook G and Memorial Day weekend, I had the same feeling I did New Year's Eve night. Yolanda Adams' Open My Heart was playing and I had been talking with G. He was going to get out of the car but as the second verse of the song played I got real scared that it would be the last time I saw G. Within the hour G started feeling a strange pain. He was only 27 at the time. He kept saying he was fine but I knew he wasn't right. I wanted to take him to the hospital but he was so stubborn and getting angry at the thought. I just wanted him to keep him calm. We went back near DC because he didn't want to go home but he couldn't be at my parents house so I got a hotel room to let him sleep. I didn't realize he passed out from the pain. The next morning he was still in pain and I finally put my foot down and said we had to go to the hospital. He only wanted to go to the one in Baltimore so we headed back. While in the waiting room his eyes began to roll up in his head and he began to shake real bad. I screamed at the top of my lungs and attendants came to get him. I didn't know he suffered a heart attack. He didn't die physically. But something changed in him after that. He begged me not say anything to his family, etc when they finally let me in to see him. He spiraled further into depression and went away for awhile. I suffered PTSD and went to counseling. Just before the last time I saw him, he said, "I feel different because I know now that God means for you to be someone else. You aren't mine. I spent a lot of time away but it's because I've been getting my head right." Within the year, I ended it because though we talked on the phone, I knew deep down, he wasn't coming back. Memories of losing his best friend and cousin were too painful for him. And it didn't help that I reminded him of someone else he lost to death. One life affected another.

If you get the chance to tell someone you love that you love them, tell them. If you have a chance to say you're sorry and messed up, tell them. If you have a chance to make a change for the better, do it. When it's your time, you won't get the chance to give the heads up to everyone.